Jones/Beneficial Stuff

Back off, blue hair: This need for speed

Whit Jones: Doses of Beneficial Stuff

Knowing that BS (beneficial stuff) is open to interpretation

Posted March 31, 2011 on insidesaline.com

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I may start speeding. Everybody else is.

I tend to hover around the speed limit, for no particular reason. Maybe it’s habit. Maybe it’s a comfort zone -- in Benton, at least. Or, maybe I haven’t felt the need for speed since younger years. I don’t want to play NASCAR. I don’t even watch NASCAR. Do they ever turn right?

I think this subconscious speed-limit bent is a way of combating the frustration that results from wondering why we have speed limits when I don’t see a handful of people who obey them anyway. I’m not even sure the cops care too much anymore whether people drive the speed limit, unless, of course, someone is speeding excessively.

We need to obey some laws. Speed limits seem simple enough.

There is one qualifier: A speed limit needs to be reasonable. I don’t think any

speed limit below 30 miles per hour is reasonable anywhere except in a school

zone.

I think of comedian Ron White’s tale about crossing a small bridge in the

Florida Keys. The speed limit was 5. White was stopped for speeding.

“Know how fast you were goin’?” the officer asked.

“Um, 8 or 9?” White answered.

“I clocked you goin’ 11 mile an hour,” the officer said.

“My foot slipped off the brake,” White replied.

It was sort of interesting that Benton and Bryant police saw a reduction in traffic

accidents from 2009 to 2010. Benton saw an 8 percent decrease and Bryant 5 percent. Together, the departments worked an average of nearly seven accidents per day in 2009. The average dropped by about one mishap per day in 2010.

Authorities attributed the reduction to education efforts and increased visibility at locations with higher accident rates. Best of all, however, both departments plan to more actively monitor “distracted and aggressive driving” this year.

Distracted driving would include talking on cell phones, texting with cell phones, applying makeup and similarly ridiculous stuff. But here’s the nugget: Aggressive driving, the lawmen say, would include speeding.

Speeding leads to another problem: Tailgating. That’s when people really start to get ticked, and that can lead to some degree of road rage. I understand that; I get frustrated when someone rides my rear end because I am driving the speed limit, then that person becomes irritated because I won’t speed.

Deal with it, dude. Unless I start speeding.

WELCOME HOME

My son, Fulmer, asked if I was going to write anything about Mike Anderson. I said I thought I would but that I wanted the dust to settle some, and I wanted to read some of the more obscure pieces being written about Anderson’s return home as the Razorbacks’ new head basketball coach. By obscure, I mean some of the articles that weren’t posted on what may be considered the more mainstream Internet sites.

Sure, I’m tickled that Anderson is back. Like many others, including my son, I’ve waited nine years for this. I thought the University of Arkansas brass should’ve picked Anderson when they parted ways with his mentor, Nolan Richardson. I understand the reasons why the UA gave Anderson an obligatory interview before sending him on his way. I just didn’t agree. I also understand that Anderson was not a “proven” head coach at the time. I just didn’t care.

A few people could argue that this quaint, sometimes quirky and usually-still-behind state has placed too much emphasis on the hiring of a basketball coach at the state’s flagship university. I disagree, as many of you may, because we understand the culture. That is, like many in the great South, our dispositions can be determined, for a period, by the successes and failures of our favorite college teams.

A friend who migrated to Arkansas later in life sort of understands the Southern sports culture thing, but not entirely. Loyalties are much too separated in a state where professional and college teams vie for affection and money. Down South, pro clubs find themselves reaching for attention. It’s the way it is. It’s the way it should be.

Anderson, then, represents more than a sports hire. He represents unity, security, stability -- even family. Each coach earns our warmth, of course. Anderson did that spending 17 seasons in Fayetteville perched beside Richardson. Others, like football Coach Bobby Petrino, have to spend at least a couple of seasons splitting time honeymooning and being counseled by the fans. Then we decide whether to embrace the coach. We wanted to embrace John Pelphrey, Anderson’s predecessor, but we never could make our arms extend far enough. Great guy. Wrong place, wrong time.

Some things just fit, you know? Anderson is a fit. People can leave certain situations and no matter the quality that follows, and the effort that ensues, the fit never works. I’ve seen it in the media a number of times. There’s chemistry and there isn’t. Anderson is good chemistry.

All of this sounds a bit elementary, I know, but there are times when we best explain things in simple terms. Cliches, though we grow to find them irritating, do have some use; there’s no better place than in sports, I suppose, where clichés thrive. They can be to sports what stagnant water can be to mosquitoes. Yet, not so much, thankfully, on the college level.

Back in the day, when I was a sports writer and columnist, I feared I may have nightmares from hearing so many clichés. I could quote some coaches before they said a word. I’ve seen that change to a large degree, particularly on the high school level. Coaches have become more candid. Strange as it sounds, though, the problem is that they also have become more homogenized. Too much political correctness. This is life. Let’s treat life accordingly, liked we used to.

I hope, for the sake of the fans and Anderson, that our expectations do not become unreasonable. I think there’s every reason for us to expect that he will be successful. He’s a genuine, talented guy with a proven formula; he has the support of a major university with equally major resources; he has a state pulling for him; and he understands and appreciates the proud history and tradition of Razorbacks basketball. He helped solidify the foundation, in fact, during his years with Richardson, who built on the success of Eddie Sutton before him. It has not been easy to watch the program’s decline. I’m not sure any of us would have envisioned a day when we felt pretty good if we could see the program rise to mediocrity.

Big-time college sports now is, as we know, big-time business; therefore, it is not reasonable to expect that a coach could have the success Richardson enjoyed in the 1990s. The business of college sports has resulted in a distribution of wealth with talent as well as money. There are a lot of good coaches recruiting a lot of good players. The Razorbacks absolutely can be competitive again, consistently. But, match Richardson’s achievement of three Final Four appearances in six seasons, including a national title in 1994 and a national title game berth the following year? That’s legendary stuff that we just don’t see anymore, even at places like Duke and Kentucky.

One thing that people who know Anderson best say about him is that he maintains perspective. I think it would behoove us, as fans, to do the same. That doesn’t mean we can’t again enjoy the journey and wear our pride on our sleeves.

YEAR OF ODDITIES

We’ll experience four unusual dates before 2011 ends: 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11 and 11/11/11.

The month of October will be unusual, too: Five Sundays, five Mondays and five Saturdays. This occurs once every 823 years, according to those who keep up with such things.

Finally, have fun with this bit of arithmetic this year: Add the age you will be this year to the last two digits of your birth date. For example, if you were born in 1978, and you will be 33 this year, add 78 and 33.

Does not matter about your age or birth date; the result always will be 111.

MEN AND WOMEN

He said to me, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?” I said to him, “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”

He said to me, “How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?” I said to him, “Don't know; it’s never happened.”

He said to me, “Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?” I said to him, “They already have boyfriends.”

He said to me, “What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?” I said to him, “A widow.”

He said to me, “Why are married women heavier than single women?” I said to him, “Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge."

ALSO: GOING GIDDY OVER THE CHOICE OF A COACH JUST PART OF OUR CULTURE

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Posted March 31, 2011

ABOUT THE WRITER: Whit Jones is a native of Saline County and a longtime, award-winning journalist and newspaper editor. His most recent newspaper gig, before launching insidesaline.com, was as editor of the Benton Courier, where his knowledge of the county and his insight into its culture and colorful political climate helped him develop a loyal following. This column offers news and thoughts on issues. The E-mail address for Jones is at the start of the column.